i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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