DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
