Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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