My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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