and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
