Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
its liver damage thursday
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