you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
