operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
