guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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