she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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