I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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