So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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