Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
