If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
