I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he had hair everywhere except his balls
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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