He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Less talking, more tequila
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
