I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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