Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
