The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
