the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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