I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
