Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
