Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
vagina is talking i cant
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
