Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
