So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
