Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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