shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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