you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
