Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
