I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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