I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
