Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
