life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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