We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
