no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
