I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How's work?
Spinning.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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