I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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