Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
