Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
