Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
