What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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