If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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