I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
