I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
someone owes me an orgasm
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
