Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
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woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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