party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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