i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
