i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
