I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
