you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
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Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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