.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
