It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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