im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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