I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
