So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
