I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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