So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
