I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Randomize
