First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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