You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
