Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
