I want to stick my p in your. b.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Are we still banned from the library?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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