You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
