Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She announced her abortion via fbk
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
