I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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