Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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