I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
