the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
