I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
