found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
