"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
